A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I feel like I've been finally worn down by constant romantic rejection and heartache.Every relationship I've been in, every person I've ever dated, has always left me for someone else. My ex with whom I was with for years, left me for someone else. People I've dated casually have always met someone else they're more interested in. And most recently, a man I have fallen so hard for, has chosen somebody else over me and they're already in a very serious relationship. There's no pattern in the types of men I have been with, or my behaviour, I feel like it's come down to terrible luck - but it's made me feel completely worthless, romantically speaking. I feel like I can't even be bothered going on dates now because of the precedent that has been set for me. My self worth in relationships is at an all-time low, and I'm not sure what to do about it. I'm not actively searching for love or dating anyone at the moment, but it still really gets me down and makes me feel simply horrible. Help!
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male
reader, eddie85  +, writes (4 April 2016):
 I am sorry to see you going through this.
Unfortunately this is the dating process. We date someone and sometimes it works out -- and other times it doesn't. And when it doesn't, many times, the person we are involved with moves on to someone else. And that hurts - I get that.
Now that you are seeing a pattern you do have the opportunity to change it. I know you've stated that you don't see any correlation. In that case that is simply bad luck and bad timing -- and you've got to let yourself off the hook. The way you state it, there is no crime you committed and therefore fate happened and you really shouldn't be down on yourself.
However, I think a part of you believes this is somehow your fault despite what you say. There's got to be a tiny part that says, "If I had gave more sex", or "If I earned more money" he wouldn't have left me for XYZ.
It might be helpful for you to see a therapist, if nothing more to sort out your feelings and express your frustrations. An outsider's and professional eye might help you identify either the people you are picking or something you might be doing. Also, they can help bolster your self-esteem and show you through more logic that this isn't your fault and that it will be only a matter of time before someone recognizes all that you have to offer (which I am sure is a lot). A therapist can also help you so that you don't start acting out unintended consequences: meaning every other relationship you've had has ended where the person you were with immediately leap-frogged to someone else, and therefore you self-consciously start to sabotage your relationships to fulfill and validate your so-called destiny.
Finally, I do offer you hope: things will get better. I know I've been in dark places before after relationships have ended. But life goes on and love is found again. Eventually you will find what you are looking for, but you have to be vulnerable, patient and open to accepting the right person in your life. Continue to find things that bring joy in your life and make you happy and the right partner will become available as a result.
Eddie
A
female
reader, Windbreeze62 +, writes (3 April 2016):
 I can relate to your issue, in a relationship I was too suffocating, too bossey, too busy, too jealous, too mean, too tall, and not black enough that's when I said, Enough! I realized that I can't be with someone who does not value who I am. And that they are not the ones that I should be with in the first place, when that someone special comes along he will not leave you for someone else. Keep smiling and enjoy your time on this earth.
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A
female
reader, sexi suga  +, writes (3 April 2016):
Its so sad to read something like this as I am sure you are truly a lovely person with so much more to offer then what you are settling for. In life there will always be someone "better looking, better socially, better sexually etc" but what is so important to remember is that you are not competing with them, you are you and the right person will see that in you. If i were you, I'd go out and find out who I truly am. What makes me amazing is what I see myself as. Go out and explore the world, life is really too short
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